I can’t believe today is February 28th and that the month is gone.
Tomorrow marks the beginning of March-significant to me for two reasons. My first cancer was wrapped up, after chemotherapy and radiation with a total hysterectomy on March 1,1994. It’s always a spectacular milestone to pass.
Fast forward to March,2020, which marked my last days substitute teaching until it all shut down. I can’t believe it’s been a year.
Jim and I had some loss during Covid, the most important being my mother in law’s passing on December 1. January wasn’t kind:we got word our sweet Kasia has inoperable mast cell cancer. We are devistated over that news, and are determined to make each day the best for her.
I am praying that we all hang in for as long as possible. Perhaps spring can be kinder and gentler…..
My last day in school this year was March 16th.That was back when I had a mind.
Eight months later, I think I’ve officially lost my mind.
I am looking for things in the house that I’ve put in a safe spot.At least, 8 months ago, I’ve had a safe spot. Now, all bets are off. I’m praying to St. Anthony,good Catholic I am, but I think St.Anthony is social distancing.
Kasia seems to shake her head as I walk around trying to make sense of life eight months in. As long as we keep walking, she says we’re good….
Maybe I’ll ask Santa to bring my mind back for Christmas. After all, Penn State beat Michigan in football today.
“I am older than I once was but younger than I’ll be….”-Paul Simon-The Boxer
I recently heard an additional stanza of THE BOXER by Paul Simon and the words about being older than I once was have been resonating through my mind. I have been going through some medical issues over the past year. I never had been daunted before , going through serious medical issues in my life, because I always looked at it as something to approach, deal with, and get on with things.
That was thirty years ago.
A week from today I am going to the city for some surgery. The thought of it brings me back thirty years. Egad, how cavalier it all was then. Now, I genuinely am afraid.
The mere fact that I am still here thirty years later, well, the Lord has been good to me. My body, however, is thirty years older and I have not taken as good care of my body as I should have. It makes me wonder if I can still “pull a rabbit out of my hat.” The “what ifs?” dance around my head in the middle of the night, and, quite frankly, I worry. I multiply this by the potential that there might be two or three additional surgeries coming along down the road.
If anything, my diagnosis has, as it had thirty years ago, make me appreciate everything…well mostly everything.
I relish my time with Jim and Kasia, because they are my loves and my family. I am grateful every time I get up in the morning and can get two feet on the floor. Most importantly, I relish my time alone. I reflect on the past, pray for today and hope for the future. Some people I know are afraid to,kind of, be by themselves. Me? I like sifting through things in the parts of my head that are working , and making myself chuckle.
If you asked me 25 years ago if I’d be married, I’d ask you what you are smoking. Never saw myself getting married. EVER!
Jim came into my life in 1997 and things just never were the same. I mean that in the best way.
We cleaned up well on 8/31/2002, and this can be seen up here on our wedding picture with Zushie.
Our family grew over the past 18 years.We lost our Zush 3 years ago, but we got Kasia 11 years ago. We are all getting older, but at least we are still together.
I can think of no better spouse, Pandemic partner and best friend. Sure, we bicker once in a while, but there is no one I’d rather be on this journey called life with. I have been blessed with a terrific guy.
It has been extremely dry down here at the “Undisclosed Location.”
Bad enough time of civil unrest and COVID-19, unemployment, social distancing, and idiots who are down here without masks, but we are really dry. The last significant rain was during tropical Storm Fay. Cities on the Jersey coastline have a better chance at major precipitation than we at the bay do.
Kasia and her fur coat have been having a rough time along with me during the heat. I keep trying to work her coat down to make her comfortable. We have been getting our walks in, but running back in to get in air-conditioning.
My gorgeous Gerber daisies are virtually non-existent in this heat. I really didn’t get a chance to buy many, due to COVID, and the few I did buy aren’t fans of this heat.
So, it’s back to vegging out now for both Kasia and myself. We are patiently waiting for a cooling front to come through.
Today is the day my Zosia, or Zushie-Girl left me to cross the Rainbow bridge three years ago.
I had prayed, over the last two days, for God to take her. I just was sad at having to make the call to the vet for him to come out to the house. I really didn’t feel as it was my place to that, as I’m not God. She was in such pain, though, that I really had no choice. The decision haunts me to this day.
I was blessed to have her with me for fifteen glorious years.
She tolerated, back in her eighth year, when I got her a kid sister-Kasia. I was glad I did it, although I am sure there were days when she looked at me and had a look on her face to say “Why me?” I was fortunate that Kasia learned from the best girl ever.
Zosia was the gentlest of pups. I don’t think there was anyone she didn’t like or take to. We walked back the creek of the Wissahickon many times and it was truly as if we were back in nature. Zush would see another animal and walk right to it to say hello. Our late neighbors had two cats who would come up nose to nose to her to greet, and then proceed to walk under Zush. Really…under! She let them, as I guess she saw it as part of their greeting.
I tell Kasia now that she’s the best girl on earth. It’s a no brainer, as I know who the best girl in heaven is.
Keep having fun in heaven, my Zush. You got to see your Babci again and meet Dziadziu and Poppa Jim and Alyx. There’s not a moment I don’t miss you, but Daddy and Kasia and I will catch up one day, and we’ll be back together again.
…or so I thought. I was well into the second semester loving my time as a substitute teacher.
Then came the Covid19.
Oh boy. School would be closed, social distancing entered our vocabulary , and, of course, now that I am 60, I am in the group of citizens that has to be careful. I also have my cancer history that makes me even higher in the “careful/compromised” group. I have to worry about Jim and family members and friends and myself. It’s a time that we don’t know how to behave, because we have never been here before.
Kasia just doesn’t know how to behave or what to think. I think she seriously wondered what was going on. She was used to me being home over a block of time for summer, but this bonus has her shaking her chow/golden head. I have seen a ton of memes on Facebook about dogs begging for no more walks. We aren’t quite there yet, I think, but as two “old” girls, we go along as best as we can.
We are fortunate, Kasia and I, to have such a pretty place to take our walk to. I am sure if we were still in the city, we’d be frustrated as to limited walking spots, but down here, we have several different ways to walk and they all are scenic.
Stay well, my friend. Please wash your hands and stay healthy. Let’s all be around to say we got through the storm together.
February is just about over, and I always loved it for one reason. February was my Zushie-girl’s birthday month.
Kasia, my personal trainer, has had sole rule for the last two and a half years. I’d love to get her a “sister “, but she still savors being queen of the castle. I said to my buddy Kathy, who was Zush’s foster mom, I am waiting patiently for the day.
In the meanwhile, Zush has my heart in heaven, and Kas has my heart on earth. I always have loved and will love my girls.
A good buddy of mine, unfortunately, has had some medical issues. She likes how I handle her class. I have been busy with second graders, among others.
I am feeling the after effects today. Fifth grade boys had me losing my voice a little and I still feel a little under the weather today. It hopefully is for a “little”, because I am scheduled to work on Monday.
Kasia is happy Momma had a day off today. We had some good walks today.
Flip side of this? I lost a couple thousand steps by realizing, after the fact, that my meter is on the desk.
This kind of sums up my January. I am hoping for a better February.
It’s been a while, but I figured I’d post to tie things up for 2019.
School, for the first semester, has been awesome. I actually wake up in the morning and look forward to what I’ll be experiencing during my day when I am in. There is never a dull moment, and being surrounded with wonderful co-workers in a supportive environment, I truly have never been happier.
My Kasia girl and I are enjoying our semester break, er, not so much. Jim and I have been pretty sick for a few weeks and are trying to get back up to speed. This sweet face looks at us and you know we need to get better for each other and for her. I have always tried to keep her content.
So with Jim, we had our seventeenth anniversary this year, and are trodding along toward number eighteen. It has been an experience, dealing with medical issues of late. As my buddy Bonnie says to me, “For better, for worse…” and indeed it is. We take care of each other as best as we can, because we have each other. Enough said!
Finally, I am beginning my sixth year of ” retirement”.
I am pleased to have ended one job, embarked on a part-time career, in an area with spectacular sunsets with my family that I love.
Who needs more than that?
I wish you, my friend, a wonderful and healthy 2020. Here’s wishing you smooth sailing and pleasurable days in the year to come.